Integration?

I wonder a lot about the degree to which I'm immersing myself in Cambodia. I am living with expats, working with expats, and I find myself comparing my Cambodian experiences to theirs. Am I more authentic or less? Am I doing enough?

Is it wrong for me to choose a chicken and guacamole panini at the French-style cafe for lunch, when only yesterday I had fried noodles with seafood (in this case, "seafood" meant squid). Do I offset my cereal purchases from the expat supermarket with the dragon fruit I bought from a vendor on the side of the road? Have I learned enough Khmer to justify a three or four-month stay, or should I be more aggressive about language acquisition?

I ride in a tuk-tuk, but then I wonder if that is because I hail from the West. I don't trust the unhelmeted motorcycle drivers, but is this wrong? Do I cling to my American habits because I am afraid or because they are habits?

I wonder about things like "social responsibility" and "acceptable immersion", yet I don't think I can quantify my experience here. What is the real Cambodia anyway?

And yet, I AM an expat living here. I cannot escape the fact that I am American; I am a foreigner living here for just a semester's time. I can never integrate fully, especially not in such a short period of time. I can only do my part to experience and celebrate this country for what it is.